Strange dreams and scary premoniitons

I've been quite unlucky lately.
I forgot to do my culture quiz online yesterday(which was also the deadline) because I saw something that made me terribly nostalgic in a miserable way so I went home lamenting and cried while watching TV and I was so overwhelmed by my own sorrow that I forgot to do anything related to school at all. It was the first thing I remembered when I woke up this morning though.

I've been having strange dreams these few days, which always happens when I'm tired(in the lacking of sleep kind of way). I don't remember my dreams, unless they are dreams which seem like deja vu or dreams that some how seem familiar in real life but I always end up forgetting what I dream after a while anyway.

And I've been having scary premonitions lately as well. I foresaw myself getting involved in a car crash and when I had that premonition I could really imagine the pain from getting smashed by windows and what other metal parts of the car. I don't mean to scare myself but it's just a premonition like that.
And I had another premonition while I was on the way home Japanese class that the world will come to an end and I would be discussing it with my friend and then I would realise that it doesn't matter if life is at its end and that it would be better if I die, maybe even. And that's scary because I think living without emotions is one of the scariest thing that can ever happen.

I HOPE I'M JUST TOO TIRED AND WHAT I'M REALLY GETTING INTO IS A VISUAL KEI BOYFRIEND OR SOMETHING WTF.

Life?

Some times I can get so confused about life. What's the purpose of living, if we're going to die anyway?

I won't say I'm an optimistic person, because I am not one at all but to have come this far in life despite re-considering life so many times, I really think I've done a good job. I hope I'm not a fool of the Earth's hands.

There's a saying that suggests everyone will find meaning in life. I'm still 18 years old and people may tell me I'm young but if that's so why do I feel so old? Why do I feel like I've wasted the past 18 years of my life? I'm impatient by nature and I can't wait any more for this, where's my meaning in life?

I might spend some of my days doing things that I like but what's that short-term satisfaction? How long can happiness last me? One second? Or maybe at most a day. But that's it.

Give me meaning in life.

FRIENDS ♥♥♥

For the past few weeks, possibly months, I've been very depressed and that kind of stuff.
I think I'm someone who doesn't express my problems very much.
I try to express my emotions as much as possible, because I believe that it's being truthful to one's inner self, and self-expression is an art too. I like being artsy and I like to appear sophisticated and educated. But I always smile, even if I don't understand what's happening, like I'm an idiot. But then again I guess that's artsy too.
Or maybe I'm having problems at home, and when I go out I forget all about these problems, then when I'm at home I start to cry again. That kind of thing.
Time will heal all wounds, as the saying goes.
But it's not only time, it's having a lot of friends. Then even if I'm at home, I'll forget about certain things, even if it's only a short period of time.

SO WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS
Thank you to everyone who has been there for me. I don't really tell people my problems unless I'm on the verge of falling into total pessimism and seeing everything makes me wants to cry and nothing cheers me up, not even ice cream. And I guess these friends don't really know that what's flowing through my mind, although the pessimistic side of me appears once in a while, I guess they'll catch a glimpse of my melancholy.
And every time someone catches that rare sight and ask me what's wrong, I'll most likely burst into tears. I would most likely not say anything, but crying on a shoulder is very comforting, and I guess it reduces depression up to 50%. Okay maybe not 50% that's a personal estimation. Then when I stop crying and try to say what's wrong I'll start crying again. But crying on a shoulder reduces depression up to 50% so it's okay.
I REALLY LOVE MY FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME.
I'll be there for you when I can, and I'll try to help in whatever way I can as they have been there for me.
I'm not the type that can talk mushy upfront to a person, so I hope everyone who has been there for me will be able to read this.
♥ you guys!

Weight Loss Diary

I'm a very boring person and I haven't been blogging very often lately, because I have nothing to blog about.

Heh heh heh.

Anyway within the entire month of March, I lost a total of 6kgs. It was the result of hard work and resistance to temptations to delicious food.
Okay, the second part is a bit of a lie.
Every time I have my PMS, I will start craving for a lot of food. And most of the time what I crave for is fries and potato chips and things like that.
The only good thing about PMS is that I won't put on weight heheheheh.

I'M GONNA LOSE MORE WEIGHT AND BURN MORE FATS. BYE BYE!

Going vegannnnn!

I realised I haven't blog in a very long time(again again) cause' I really have nothing to blog about. I'm a very boring person who leads a very boring life.

BUT HERE'S SOMETHING NEW WHEEEEE! I'm going to talk about going vegan(as the title says!) because I AM GOING VEGAN!

I have a lot of reasons to go vegan and I'm finally into my vegan diet after contemplating for some time. Why? Because this is Singapore and it's hard to get vegan food and having a mum like mine it's hard to go vegan. Heck, my mum thinks vegan and vegetarian are the same thing.

I first decided to go vegan when I was a kid. Because my mum was slaying a crab and I thought, poor thing. But my mum forced me to eat the crab which was so yummy. And I never got to going vegan.

But that's before, I've decided to go vegan after reading about how animals being farmed for food are abused and something else that made me realise it's stupid to eat DEAD animals. Yeah, look at lions, they hunt their own food and eat them while they're still alive. WE EAT THEM WHEN THEY'RE DEAD, like in the process of decomposition and it doesn't rot as fast as it should because of all the chemicals and preservatives. Oh did I say I try to eat organic food too?

A lot of people think vegan food = vegetables and fruits. NOT TRUE OKAY. We eat stuff like rice too. And nuts. And soy products. The first time I eat vegan muffins I was like OH MY, swept off my feet. I love vegan.

AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS. I'm into day 5 of my vegan diet and I have lost around 3 to 4 kgs depending on which weighing machine I use. SO IT HELPS IF YOU WANNA LOSE WEIGHT. But of course I don't just eat vegan, I do muay thai and Brazilian Jiujitsu almost everyday. And let me tell you it works because I don't lose weight when I eat normally and do the same sports routinely. I've even put on weight wtfwtf. But the weight is coming off and it's making me happy whee.

I've decided to go vegan for life although I think it's not very possible because I do eat things even when I'm not hungry at times such as when my friends are eating and I realise I'm the only one who's not eating. And I order food on impulse when I'm very hungry and I hate wasting food so I'll force myself to finish all the food. And I don't have any vegan friends. But I'm quite determined to do this! Hopefully it lasts. AND I SHALL SEE MY SEXY LEGS IN 10 MONTHS TIME HEEHEE (:

I made 20cent from BLOGGING!

I'm going to say some disappointing things. Well, I really like blogging and in fact, I started my first blog when I was in primary school, way before most of you kids did! On and off I blogged on different blogs because back then I was really shy about sharing things with people I knew because I was afraid I would get laughed at. Then I stopped blogging because I thought I was boring! Then came the day that I decided to re-incarnate and started blogging again and signed up for Nuffnang but truth is I'm being materialistic and I'm in desperate need of money. I'm not gonna sound like emo shitz again so don't worry!

And then a few days ago came the proud moment when 20cents from blogging! I'm actually quite proud of myself and I hope I can earn more, to be honest. For someone like me, who can't find a permanent part-time job due to studies, earning money through blogging really makes me happy since it's something I love doing.

Truth is, I also home to gain some fame from blogging because that would show I'm an interesting person. SO IN ORDER TO GAIN FAME(and money) AND BUILD MY REPUTATION, I promise I'll be doing a giveaway if I hit 50 followers(and hopefully $50 heheheh)! I have yet to confirm what I'll be giving away, but basically it will comprise of make-up products because I love make-up, so I'll decide what I'm giving away! So to show me some support, just click the follow on the right yeah?

P/S: How do I change my blog template? I don't know how to code Blogger layouts fuuuuuuu

7 days left to live

No, no, the title's an exaggeration. Today I had an assessment on an individual oral presentation for one of my my modules and the theme of my presentation was things I would like to do before I die, and our tutor made us base it on a question as such, what will we do if we have 7 days left to live?

Let me talk about my presentation first. I drafted up a speech, albeit without much research, but I didn't really read my speech out during the presentation. I wrote the main points on a piece of paper, what I should do, as each day passed by. The first thing I wanted to do was to write a will. The rest of the days were dedicated to travel and on the last day, I said I would send in my obituary to the newspapers and spend the rest of the days with my sister, mum and two dogs, although one is not living with us any more thanks to the father that I hate so much. Damn me I sound like emo shitz.

When I came back home, I Googled photos of the places I said I would like to go to. One such was Amsterdam, also better known as the sex and drug capital of Europe. I said I didn't want to die a virgin, so I'll go to Amsterdam to have sex.


The red light districts there are literally red! Well, I'm kind of aware that in Amsterdam, prostitutes stand behind the glass windows like mannequins, but why do all the photos only show women?


I really want to go to Venice as well! I've learned about Venetian history and culture through social studies lesson and it's quite well known that people travel from town to town via gondolas, and it is distinct for it's culture as well.


I also said I wanted to visit Tokyo for it's vibrant and daring fashion, and spend a whole day there shopping. I fell in love with Japan long ago because of visual kei, and of course if I were to go there to shop, I would buy clothes from Liz Lisa, Murua, W♥C and other brands!


Liz Lisa is definitely one of my favourite brands because of their girly designs!I love Wakatsuki Chinatsu's style! It's really unique!

Well, I said lots of other things I would love to do before I actually die and I got all sorts of comments because we had to be evaluated by classmates. Two people said I was a bimbo but I know I'm not stupid, so I'll gladly accept the fact that I'm pretty! (:

I'll say that after I drafted up my presentation, 7 days isn't a lot to do everything one would probably want to do so while you're still alive and healthy, do the things you want because we only live once, so we should make our life as fulfilling as possible! That's all from me for now, what aspirations do you have? Share them! (: