Successfully losing weight

I think most of my friends know that I am trying to lose weight. Some times I cannot control my diet and go wild and berserk(after turning vegan/vegetarian I can safely say that there's less things for me to eat heheheh) and I don't have as much time to exercise as I did during the holidays(thank you school) but I have actually lost a total of 8kg since I decided that I'm really going to work hard to lose weight, which was around February or March. Every day I wake up and I think about losing weight til' I'm in the healthy weight range but some times that's not enough motivation for me control my diet. I think about the benefits. I will be healthier, I can wear clothes without feeling self-conscious, I can run without stopping every kilometer and feeling out of breath, I will look better. That's pretty much most of the reasons why I want to lose weight.

I want to lose another 30kg because that's where my healthy weight range is. You can see that that's really far and I've never disclosed information about my weight before, I'm actually 87kg now. I always feel embarrassed when people asked me about my weight and even though I didn't really care about how fat I was(and still am actually), I didn't like it when people seemed shocked and tell me I'm almost double of their weight. I really hated it.

I'm going to lose more weight(in the healthy way, of course) and I will reach what I want to be soon. AWESOME ;)

Feeling grateful

I've learned so much in the past few days. A really invaluable lesson, I can say. So many words, but I can't seem to choose the right words to describe how I'm feeling.

I am very thankful for life. To be given a life, to be able to breath, to be able to walk, to be able to sing(although I'm horrible at it), to be able to see, smell, and touch. And that's not all I'm thankful for.
Without my family and friends, my life wouldn't be anything special. My life may not be the best, I may not have wealth and I may not have the healthiest body, but I am so thankful I have a life. A life where memories can be created, where experiences can be built and 50 years later I would probably be telling these stories to my kids.

I really don't know how to express my gratitude. I've learned that, feeling grateful and feeling good would just unveil a better tomorrow. I have dreams, I have hopes and slowly, I see them coming true.

Thank you life ♥

10th birthday doggy!

Exams ended a few days ago and I'm having my term break now, so that also means time for me to do a really long blog post wheeeee. Introducing to you my favourite boy....

 

Meet my pet dog, Lucky. He may not look like it in this photograph but he turned 10 years old about two weeks ago on the 2nd of June. Apart from the conventional 'Lucky' that my family members call him, he's nicknamed 'Lala' by my sister. When she first nicknamed him that my hair stood because she was calling him in such an act cute manner and I have never seen her acting cute before and it doesn't suit her manly personality at all. Maybe she was in love at that time hahahaha.

Okay back to story. I think it's remarkable that doggy has managed to live into his 10th year of existence, more into that next time. The above photo is one of him on his birthday and I forced him to take photos with the presents I bought for him which we was quite reluctant to. He's quite impatient as well, and very greedy. By the way I got him a leash(always missing), a collar(doggy might like being fashionable hmmmm) and a strawberry cake(mentioned that doggy is greedy, strawberry cause' pink's my favourite colour heheheh).

Only I was there to celebrate doggy's birthday this year because mummy won't celebrate doggy's birthday(she hates him) and dad doesn't really celebrate his birthdays, and my sister was overseas.

That's all for this post and I may upload more photos later if I'm not lazy heheh.

Strange dreams and scary premoniitons

I've been quite unlucky lately.
I forgot to do my culture quiz online yesterday(which was also the deadline) because I saw something that made me terribly nostalgic in a miserable way so I went home lamenting and cried while watching TV and I was so overwhelmed by my own sorrow that I forgot to do anything related to school at all. It was the first thing I remembered when I woke up this morning though.

I've been having strange dreams these few days, which always happens when I'm tired(in the lacking of sleep kind of way). I don't remember my dreams, unless they are dreams which seem like deja vu or dreams that some how seem familiar in real life but I always end up forgetting what I dream after a while anyway.

And I've been having scary premonitions lately as well. I foresaw myself getting involved in a car crash and when I had that premonition I could really imagine the pain from getting smashed by windows and what other metal parts of the car. I don't mean to scare myself but it's just a premonition like that.
And I had another premonition while I was on the way home Japanese class that the world will come to an end and I would be discussing it with my friend and then I would realise that it doesn't matter if life is at its end and that it would be better if I die, maybe even. And that's scary because I think living without emotions is one of the scariest thing that can ever happen.

I HOPE I'M JUST TOO TIRED AND WHAT I'M REALLY GETTING INTO IS A VISUAL KEI BOYFRIEND OR SOMETHING WTF.

Life?

Some times I can get so confused about life. What's the purpose of living, if we're going to die anyway?

I won't say I'm an optimistic person, because I am not one at all but to have come this far in life despite re-considering life so many times, I really think I've done a good job. I hope I'm not a fool of the Earth's hands.

There's a saying that suggests everyone will find meaning in life. I'm still 18 years old and people may tell me I'm young but if that's so why do I feel so old? Why do I feel like I've wasted the past 18 years of my life? I'm impatient by nature and I can't wait any more for this, where's my meaning in life?

I might spend some of my days doing things that I like but what's that short-term satisfaction? How long can happiness last me? One second? Or maybe at most a day. But that's it.

Give me meaning in life.

FRIENDS ♥♥♥

For the past few weeks, possibly months, I've been very depressed and that kind of stuff.
I think I'm someone who doesn't express my problems very much.
I try to express my emotions as much as possible, because I believe that it's being truthful to one's inner self, and self-expression is an art too. I like being artsy and I like to appear sophisticated and educated. But I always smile, even if I don't understand what's happening, like I'm an idiot. But then again I guess that's artsy too.
Or maybe I'm having problems at home, and when I go out I forget all about these problems, then when I'm at home I start to cry again. That kind of thing.
Time will heal all wounds, as the saying goes.
But it's not only time, it's having a lot of friends. Then even if I'm at home, I'll forget about certain things, even if it's only a short period of time.

SO WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS
Thank you to everyone who has been there for me. I don't really tell people my problems unless I'm on the verge of falling into total pessimism and seeing everything makes me wants to cry and nothing cheers me up, not even ice cream. And I guess these friends don't really know that what's flowing through my mind, although the pessimistic side of me appears once in a while, I guess they'll catch a glimpse of my melancholy.
And every time someone catches that rare sight and ask me what's wrong, I'll most likely burst into tears. I would most likely not say anything, but crying on a shoulder is very comforting, and I guess it reduces depression up to 50%. Okay maybe not 50% that's a personal estimation. Then when I stop crying and try to say what's wrong I'll start crying again. But crying on a shoulder reduces depression up to 50% so it's okay.
I REALLY LOVE MY FRIENDS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME.
I'll be there for you when I can, and I'll try to help in whatever way I can as they have been there for me.
I'm not the type that can talk mushy upfront to a person, so I hope everyone who has been there for me will be able to read this.
♥ you guys!

Weight Loss Diary

I'm a very boring person and I haven't been blogging very often lately, because I have nothing to blog about.

Heh heh heh.

Anyway within the entire month of March, I lost a total of 6kgs. It was the result of hard work and resistance to temptations to delicious food.
Okay, the second part is a bit of a lie.
Every time I have my PMS, I will start craving for a lot of food. And most of the time what I crave for is fries and potato chips and things like that.
The only good thing about PMS is that I won't put on weight heheheheh.

I'M GONNA LOSE MORE WEIGHT AND BURN MORE FATS. BYE BYE!